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Lewis Held
by Steve Gudas

Another star ascends to the heavens:

Lewis Isaac Held

March 22, 1911 to 12:12 am March 12, 2004

He touched many lives.

May he rest in peace.

Any written memories would be welcome, so that his grandson, Alec, on whose 3rd birthday he died, will know just how many lives his Papa touched.

Thank you,

Linda

He had such a list of accomplishments during his lifetime, but he always liked to say his greatest accomplishments and blessings were his 3 children, 4 grandchildren, his son-in-law and his daughter-in-law. He was so proud of us and liked to boast so much about our accomplishments that it was embarrassing at times. ‘Daaad’ we’d say. But the fact is I was just as proud of him. Friends and acquaintances would always mention ‘what a wonderful Dad and person he was.’ That he was a rare and dying breed. A true Southern gentleman. It always amazed me that he could meet someone, and in a matter of seconds know their complete life story. He truly cared about people and NEVER thought anything bad about anyone. He could only see the good in people. And in all the years I knew him, not once did I ever see a temper.

I’ve been grappling about the timing of his death. Why did he hang on until just a few minutes after midnight the day of my son and his grandson’s 3rd birthday. And I came to the conclusion that:

1. He wanted to wish Alec a happy birthday, if not in words, then by his presence.

and

2. He was a very spiritual man. And this is his way of proving there are greater powers than humans can fathom. For he had no watch on and no concept of time.

and

3. The last thing he would want is for anyone to feel the pain of mourning. For he was the most unselfish man I knew. He would want this day to be a celebration of his life, not of his death. A day he will forever share with one of his pride and joys, his grandson, Alec Held Wren.

I was truly blessed to have Lewis Isaac Held as my father.

Linda Held Wren

The thing I loved most about my father was that he trusted and believed in me. He let me find my way.

In 1972. I had spent a year at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and my father was so proud of my studying at such a prestigious school, where I had gone with every intention of becoming an architect, But after a few courses studying engineering, it was clear to me it was art that I loved. Maybe because my father graduated from college a month before the Great Depression and maybe because he was a practical man, he kept asking me, how are you going to make a living, and I didn’t have a good answer for him. Nevertheless my father had faith in me and supported me when I transferred from MIT to art school. He paid the full tuition. He even paid for me to take a trip to Italy so I could study great Renaissance art first hand. And he paid for my tuition when I went back to MIT to get my degree.

My father was always lavish in his praise.

“I am so proud of your many accomplishments,” he would say, “You have brought us so much pleasure.”

He appreciated each of his children for who they are.

With all of dad’s many accomplishments, he always told us his most important accomplishments were his children.

I remember sometimes after school how I’d go and do my homework at his office on Broad Street where he had a big thick folder for each of us in his file cabinet where he saved the birthday cards we crayoned for his birthdays, along with our school report cards, our certificates for archery and riflery that we earned at Camp Sea Gull where we went to summer camp. I loved that my father kept those “Lewis” “Lloyd” and “Linda” files at his workplace, as if it was part of his job to keep track of our accomplishments.

My father loved the Jewish religion

On many Friday nights he would telephone me in Boston just to wish me a Good Shabbat and I loved his cheery voice. But Dad was more than just religious. To me he seemed spiritual. Some men are men of ideologies. If you believe as they do, then you are accepted. If you do not believe as they do, you are rejected. Some men place ideology higher on the scale of values than love. Not my father. Although deeply committed to his own faith, he was always accepting of others. In some men like my father the strength of love can temper ideology. My father and I had many wonderful and sometimes heated discussions about religion and politics, but because of his deep love for me he was always compassionate and never let our differences come between us.

My father was convivial he got along well with people

It always amazed me when I was a boy walking with my father along the shoreline at Virginia Beach where we would summer-vacation, and it seemed like every hundred yards Dad would see someone he knew and he’d stop to say hello and chat. To me it seemed as if my father knew half the world. Dad enjoyed people. He looked them in the eyes.

My father had true class which I believe is really the ability to make everyone feel at home in your presence, from the temple board members to the flower peddler on the boulevard, where when I was a boy, we used to stop to buy flowers for my mother.

I loved my father deeply. he was an easy man to love. I will miss him very much.

Lloyd Cansino Held

Ever since I was a boy, he was my teacher and my coach and my friend and my hero, and any of you who read his obituary know that he was also an American hero.

My Dad's greatest virtues, figuratively speaking, were his blind spots.

He was colorblind: he loved people of all races;

He was blind to status: he loved people from all classes; and

He was blind to creed: he loved people of all religions.

In short, he loved people.

Ninety years ago, on this very spot, Rabbi Edward Calisch gave a eulogy for my father's grandfather Isaac Held. I'd like to read you just a little of what he said, which applies equally well to my Dad:

'He gave much and expected nothing.
Kings and monarchs have died and not left the name and friends that he has.'

Lewis Held, Jr.

So I must resort to writing you to express our deepest condolences. But there is so much more to express—more than 30 years of a wonderful friendship of love and loyalty, the very first call I received after Beth Ahabah decided to invite me to be the Rabbi from Lewis, the many good times of being together, the wonderful occasions when we celebrated your 25th and 50th anniversaries in your beautiful home—oh, so many occasions.

We both remember Lewis with so much fondness and affection. I’ll never forget how warm the welcome was from both of you when we finally came to town over three decades ago. We will always remember his constant support in good times and in not so good times. He was a gentle, caring person, an effective leader, a genuine human being—and we and so many, many others will miss him greatly.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you at this very difficult time. If there is anything we can do, please do not hesitate to call us. We’ll be back next Thursday.

With love and sympathy,

Marilyn and Jack Spiro
[Rabbi Emeritus]

This past week, I have spent most of my days at the hospital, watching my brother-in-law slip away from us. I have witnessed 3 beautiful children, my handsome nephews and my beautiful niece tend to their daddy with gentle strokes on his head and chest, kissing his hands and wishing they could blow life into him. They would take turns spending the many nights in his hospital room, with the wish that he may wake up and say "Good morning". My sister Minnie, just sat quietly, sobbing quietly so as he would not hear her in distress. I sat by her, not knowing what else to do but render my services at all time. My love for this family is endless.

During our good times, we just took it for granted that we would be around for many more years. In every one's daily duties, business commitments, caring for our families, house chores, etc. we tend to forget to call and say 'I Love you". We always know in our hearts, that we love each other and we loved looking forward to family affairs.

How did we get so lucky to have such a gentle loving man like Lewis in our midst?

Well, if you will look around, you will see that this family, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts and uncles, nephews and nieces and all the wonder in-laws that make up this family are loving, respectful to each other and can always be counted on. Did we learn from our parents.....YOU Betcha.

G-D Bless our 3rd generation coming up. G-D Bless our children, and G-D Bless us seniors. May we live a long, happy and healthy life and continue to be a family of Cansino's, Held's, Cocuzzo's, Wren's, Weiner's, Goldman's, Adolf's, Adams', Lehman's, Farber's, Newman's, Ruby's, Flax's, Shapiro's, and please G-d the list will continue.

Oh! I forgot to say thank you to the Army Reserve Officer's dinner that Minnie and Lewis attended 52 years ago. They both looked at Alfred in his uniform and decided to have me meet him. The rest, is my history of 51 years of marriage. I always thanked both of them for the intro. This family has the longest umbilical cord ever. Don't anyone think of cutting the cord. We'll leave that to the young ones, who will have to do it. We all pray that that generation will never forget those that are gone and us seniors that will live to 120 years. 

These are my sentiments (Aunt Gladys) and also Uncle Alfred 
With Love Always.

This is your great auntie Gladys and your Uncle Alfred wishing you a very very happy birthday. All of your family will never forget your special birthday because you not only are a lucky boy, you are definitely a blessed one, as we will always remember your papa on your birthdate. He was one grand man, a gentle man, a loving man. Your special Unc Lewis is also very blessed as we always will remember that my loving sister Evie passed away on his birth date. These two people, you will learn from your Mommy and Daddy were kind souls. Your Papa and your Nanny introduced me to my husband, your grand Unc Alfred and I are married 51 years. The blessings that we had from that union was because of your Papa. Treasure the feeling that he gave you as a child and how much he loved your sister Carly and you. I'm sure in the years to come, you will learn all about this fine southern gentleman and be proud of your heritage. May G-D bless you in spirit, health and love. And don't ever forget the key to your Papa's success....

RESPECT. 

Auntie Gladys and Uncle Alfred Lehman

Lewis, Lloyd and Linda, it will be hard for you not to ask to talk to Dad when you call or to come over and give him a hug. But you have much to be thankful for. You had a Dad who was respected, admired and loved by all who knew him. He left a wonderful name in the community and that you can be very proud of. It takes a lot of time to get over your loss, but life does go on and we're sure Lewis would want you to live your life to the fullest. He was a kind and caring man, we don't know of anyone who didn't have good things to say about him.

Alec, your Papa made it a point to be here for your birthday, that was his gift to you. As you know, he loved you very much as well as Carly. You will grow up to know of his accomplishments and be very proud of the grandfather you had.

We write this with much admiration for a man who is loved and will be remembered as a loving brother in law.

Your sister and Aunt Gloria
and brother in law and Uncle Arthur

With deepest sympathy and love, 

Lucy Held

Jeremy had the privilege of interviewing Uncle Lewis for his 8th grade English Project. The purpose of the project was to interview someone who had living during the time of World War II. While his grandfather, Richard, and his grandmother, Judith, had both lived during the war, Jeremy immediately gravitated to Uncle Lewis who was more than happy to oblige. He and Aunt Minnie were gracious hosts to Jeremy, Harris and me. We spend a remarkable afternoon hearing about General Macarthur and Uncle Lewis' role as his chief supply officer. To say that the project was a success is an understatement. The true reward as hearing these reflections, recording them and spending the afternoon with such a wonderful man. I know that he will be greatly missed by Jeff, Harris, Jeremy and me.

Mona Schapiro Flax

It was also your father's way of saying, don't spend another day watching me from inside a hospital room, spend it with your son on this special day and with your family.

Susan Adolf

We will all miss him very much.

Beth and Gary Weiner

My Uncle Lewis was a righteous man who based his life on love of G-d, love of family, love of country, and love of community. He was the paradigm of integrity, honesty, and fairness. He had a noble and distinguished demeanor, whose strength was derived from years of discipline and from following his convictions squarely.

One of my first memories of Uncle Lewis was when he ran for public office (I thought he was definitely a V.I.P.!!) I always admired his military career and the service he gave to America in time of war. And more
recently, I had the pleasure of seeing him honored by his Masonic Lodge for 70 years of service to the fraternity.

I remember Uncle Lewis as an active man always in good health and playing tennis way longer than anyone else I have ever known. Uncle Lewis taught me about life insurance and would discuss my career with me and always offered his help and advice, which helped me to make important decisions in my life.

My favorite topic to discuss with Uncle Lewis was Judaism. Uncle Lewis loved to study Talmud and to discuss the lessons taught therein and to debate the Jewish meaning in life. Uncle Lewis was a wise man and was always connected spiritually to his Creator. The evidence of which can be seen in his own life and in the lives of his family. It is both the love that is shared by them and in the numerous accomplishments they all have achieved. Uncle Lewis lived life guided by the simple truths and prospered accordingly. I believe I can speak for all when I say Uncle Lewis lived life to the fullest.

I will sorely miss you Uncle Lewis. I will miss your charm, your dignity, your laugh, your words, your counsel, and most of all, your love. I love you Uncle Lewis. May the Ribono Shel Olam (Master of the Universe) grant you peace and heavenly joy without end. May your soul abide only in the highest levels of the World To Come, and your life be an eternal blessing for us all.

And to my dear Aunt Minnie and my sweet cousins Lewis Jr., Lloyd, and Linda - may you be comforted amongst the mourners of Zion in Jerusalem. I love you all and share in this sadness and in the cherished memory of Uncle Lewis. May the grief we all feel now, serve to exemplify our manifested love for Uncle Lewis, and turn soon into the fondest of memories of him who lived and died as a Tzaddik.

With All My Sincerest Love, Respect & Admiration,

Your Nephew, Laurence

Robin Adolf Salzberg

I remember Uncle Lewis as a gentle, soft spoken man who would always great me warmly with a smile and ask me about the family.  Someone else had referred to Uncle Lewis as a 'Southern Gentleman', I would echo that sentiment.  His manner, his way of dealing with others, was truly one to emulate. 

There was one time with me when Uncle Lewis broke with his usual tradition of staying within "clean" humor and gave me advise that I'll never forget about my son Ari who was about 3 months old at the time.  He said, "you're not truly a father until your son pees in your eye!"  I thought that was the funniest thing he ever said to me!  Within three months of that, I "truly" became a father!

We should all live lives as rich and full of nachas, accomplishment and love as Uncle Lewis did.  

I will always remember you in the fondest and most revered way.

Your loving nephew,

Rich Lehman

I met Lewis Held at the then UVB bank cafeteria on Main Street back in 1978 or 1979. He was sitting with his brother Irving, still working downtown and signaled me to join them. 

In our first conversation we learned that we both were Penn graduates (he 1931 me 1971), and I was struck with his genuine warmth and way with people. Shortly thereafter we met at a Penn alumni function, and we would see each other now and then, and the friendship bloomed. I would run into him at Bill’s barbecue downtown and we would eat lunch together and talk. 

The connections were eventually made with Gloria as his sister in law, (I treated Jack Wiener at home for almost a year back in 1989 as part of the cancer rehab home care program) and then with Matt Wren when he and Linda began dating. Somewhere in the early 90’s- it probably was in 1994 or so, that we made lunch a more regular thing. We started in southside for quite a while, then to Innsbruck, then after his retirement at 90 we would meet at Padow’s at Willow Lawn. Then he stopped driving and I would pick him up and we would go to Padow’s, or the New York Deli. 

There were many inspiring times, and so many things said, I wish I had written them all down and could remember what was said on what day, or even remember everything that was said. Think about how many people, outside of your family, that you really get to love in your life. In all likelihood, you can count them on one hand. How lucky I was to have loved him, and the time in our lives when we knew each other was a wonderful time. I knew him and grew to love him in the twilight of his life, in his last decade, when the full richness of his character was completely manifest, apparent and shining. 

I would always call him just before traveling, the night before, or sometimes from the airport, just for some assurance and last minute advice if it were appropriate. Who will I check in with before traveling now? 

Dickie Flax said, at his funeral, “He was a wise man.” How simply but beautifully stated.

 When I walk down to Main Street for lunch I imagine him walking there, like when he was a young man back in the 1930’s, selling insurance a friend to all. Many of the lessons he taught me were over a meal, with my fork suspended in the air, and the pearls of wisdom would drop from him. He was so generous like that. I think that the best way to approach these remembrances is to express them in what Lewis Held taught me.

On family: 
“Put your wife first, then the children, then the job, in that order. Anyone, man or woman, who does not do it that way will come to grief.”

On Carly, his granddaughter:
“She rushes up into my arms, I tell you it is remarkable. And she is right here, in Richmond, and we can see her often. What a tremendous gift I have been given at my age”

On the birth of Alec in 2001 when he reached 90 a few weeks later: 
“The child has given me new purpose.” 

On aging and getting older: 
“The aches and pains, they are minor, it is just so good to be here. I am still maturing.”

On Matt his son in law. Lewis loved his strength, his ardor, his vigor. On Matt going into private practice: 
“I am so proud of him, it is quite a risk that he is undertaking.” He then added some months later: “He is successful, partly because he is very involved.”

I asked him a few months ago if he reminisced. He said “Not much, it keeps you from being current.”

On Minnie and his long marriage: 
“She’s still beautiful.”

On life in general: 
“It’s a tough ocean out there. Everyone, no matter what their age, needs a safe harbor to come home to, where they are loved and accepted unconditionally.”

On the extended family:
“When I married Minnie, her sisters came down to Richmond, all married and had children and settled here. When you marry, you marry a whole family, and it increases the circle of people you love and care for.”

On being together and talking broadly about life: 
“Steve it’s good to be with you and we can forget about the minutiae of life for awhile.”

On the death of 57 soldiers in an accident in the Pacific when an ammunition supply blew up. (It knocked him out of jeep in which he was riding nearby):"
 “I had to write to each of the families of the men lost, each one of them. In each one of those letters it hit home to me the tragedy that had occurred.”

On President Roosevelt:
Background: Franklin Roosevelt would not allow a Jewish refugee ship with 2,000 plus refugees, sitting off the coast of Miami, within sight of the city, to disembark, forcing them to turn around and return to Europe where most of the passengers died under Hitler. 
“I met Roosevelt, rode on the running board of his vehicle. I remember the warmth in his voice and the strength of his handshake. But when it came time to do the right thing, he had feet of clay.”

On working past 65:
“It keeps my mind active, and the younger people in the office can benefit from my experience”

More than once he would say when we parted:
“Steve, thank you for the reassurance”. (that I am on the right path, doing the right things) That one would blow me away -here he was thanking me for reassurance and I would get so much more from him than I thought I was ever giving back.

On parting, after our first lunch together after Irving had died: 
“You punctuated my period of mourning for my brother”. When Irving was still alive: “I call my brother every day. Every day. Why shouldn’t I talk to him every day?- he’s my brother.”

On his three children choosing different careers from his own:
“It’s much harder to forge your own way, then to say, follow the path of your parents, or into a situation created for you.”

On marrying late in life and having children late in life: 
“It enriches it”

On the ups and downs of life:
“Remember, it is not what happens to you in life, it is how you react to it.”

On the annual family vacation to Virginia Beach:
“All of us together, under one roof.”

On my grief over a relative of mine’s life with an abusive man:
“Steve, she is begging you not to make an issue of it. She does not have the strength to do the right thing, but you do” (In other words accept her and love her as she is)

On asking him if a mutual acquaintance that we both knew, and he (Lewis), were close:
“No, we are not, and it’s both our losses”

We talked once about me being conscious that I would lose him someday.
 “These years we have spent together, meeting like this, it could not be better if it were many years longer than it has been.”

On Evelyn Flax, his sister in law:
“She was the glue that held the sisters together.”

On sex:
“If a lady is gracious enough to share something so intimate and personal with you, a gentleman should never talk about it to anyone, ever.”

On leaving Padow’s last fall, a beautiful warm day, with intense sunshine:
“We’re drinking it up, drinking it up.”

He told me this story once. 
Long ago, he was with another officer, a black gentleman, and they were in Georgia I think. An officer of lesser rank invited Lewis to dinner, but informed him that his traveling companion could not dine with them at the officer’s club since he was black and it was not allowed.

Lewis tried gentle persuasion, but when that failed, he told the inviting officer that "unless the black officer were invited also, Lewis would not be attending.”

I commented to him once that he was way ahead of his time back, in the 1950’s supporting equal rights for blacks. He immediately replied to me: “Yes, and it cost me two elections to the city council. But it absolutely did not matter as I knew I was right.”

I told him that in midlife I was becoming cynical, not about life, but about people and their follies. 

He said “Think about people as if they were flowers or green plants. There’s some poison ivy out there, but there’s not that much and it isn’t everywhere.”

He was not in the hospital room when his father died. The attending doctor asked if Lewis wanted to go in and see the father who had just passed away one last time. Lewis declined, preferring to remember his father alive. 

“I did not want the last memory that I had of my father to be his lying there dead.”

When I called to say hi, and stated that we needed to have lunch together, he would always say “Make it soon.”

We were on the phone about ten years ago, he asked my age. I told him I was 44. He said: 
“Steve, you are still so very young.”

And of course to him I was.

Encouraging his children to travel when they are youthful (i.e. early 20’s). 

“When else in life would they have such exuberance and wonder for what they see?”

Commenting to him that in dealing with others, it always seemed to be tit for tat, and he added 

“Yes, and we also have to tiptoe around others, and it colors the relationship.”

Steve Gudas

Loving father and grandfather, friend....that was your dad.

Sandy Palyo

Judy Richmon

He was a kind man and I know he will be greatly missed. My prayers are with you and your family at this time.

Marilyn Dove

I will never forget his kind words and sincerity.

Steven Biegler

Karen Shipp - Shipp & Wilson
[Landscaper]

I'll have to admit that I did not know of all his accomplishments prior to his insurance career. He was quite a guy; you can be very proud of him.

Please give my regards to Lewis' other children and to Minnie. Our business has changed quite a bit since I first got started, but the one thing we need the most are people of integrity and knowledge - and Lewis Held certainly was one of the few that fit this bill. Many of the guys and the gals that followed in his footsteps are indebted to your dad for his kindness and solid advice.

Sincerely,
Paul F. Pearce, CLU

Love,
Stella
[Cansino cousin in London]

The world is now that much poorer with out him. Lewis was one of our group that enjoyed tennis at the J.C.C.

Irvin Bernstein 
[Boynton Beach, FL]

Please know that you and your family are in our hearts and our prayers. I know your father will live on in your heart and fond memories. 

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge, that myth is more potent than history. I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts - that hope always triumphs over experience - that laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.

-- From the movie The Crow

Love, 
Sean Athey, Jim Strayer & Shane Athey-Strayer 

Our best to the family.

Kathi Marks-Merritt 
Morton Marks Jr.

Linda (Emroch) Leithner 
[Pensacola Beach, FL]

Nickole Sheffield

John Goodman

Steve Gudas